Thunderclouds

Thunderclouds
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GRAY MELANCHOLY OF THUNDERCLOUDS, THREATENING MY CALMNESS, THEY ARE EATING MY SPACE, I HAVE TEARS STUCK INSIDE MY CHEST AND MY BRAIN DOESN’T LET THEM GO OUT.

I realize i was crazy, i analyze that everyone is crazy as well, that is the main feature of human existence, i got into the highway and lost my self in the straight way, i forgot infinite times why i was there, my anxiety multiplies, now in the present, the reality beam of light hits over my head, the rest is only darkness, TODAY, in this instant, i look up and the shine closes my eyes, it doesn’t let me cry, or think, or survive, just live and believe that in darkness nothing threads me and the light that embraces is not at the end of the tunnel but up, over me, protecting my space, my infinite space of constant existence.

GRAY MELANCHOLY OF THUNDERCLOUDS, THREATENING MY CALM JULY OF TWO THOUSAND NINE, I HAVE TEARS STUCK INSIDE MY CHEST AND MY BRAIN DOESN’T LET THEM GO OUT.

I realize i never really suffer, that there is nothing in this black, sordid, empty, calm, indifferent, beautiful, terrifying, infinite space which worth crying for and to be empty then, release the water that i trap inside to crystallize my sight and hydrate my life, then uselessly this water would fall into the sea that is already full of water, the
stormy and erratic sea will then torment my self as well as it will realize that i’am here alone under the beam of light, in the middle of dark infinity.. so how could i cry?, why would i cry for?, if i don’t know how long will this light be over my head, this embracing light in the middle of the dark, infinite, black space, and then in the middle of emptiness there is probably nothing to laugh or cry for…. i don’t pretend to know, i don’t want to know nor to understand that threatening, sordid, dark space of constant nonexistence.

GRAY MELANCHOLY OF THUNDERCLOUDS, THREATENING MY CALMNESS, THEY ARE EATING MY SPACE, I HAVE TEARS STUCK INSIDE MY CHEST AND MY BEAUTIFUL BRAIN DOESN’T LET THEM GO OUT.

 


Original in Spanish: Nubes Tormentosas
Citlalli Ayala R.S.M. 2009.07

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